Gah!

It's been a long time since I wrote something that is non-related to my daily life and just somehow I feel like writing something down but I don't have the motivation to use my brain to the slightest bit. It was weird to write something again after so long, not polishing up my writing skills and for so long, I gave up on writing.

It was like just a moment ago that I was writing a chapter of my story, post it out and waited for a feedback. Those feedbacks were lovely even though I knew how terrible they were. Maybe it was just my high demand of my own stories but I knew I could do even better. Then, it was the most crucial time that is my most important exam in my high school life. The last 6 months, I didn't write but the vacant time, I didn't used it to study as well. I just use the time to do the most popular thing that I always do...procrastinate.

As I sat here, staring at the computer screen, I thought of a small short story. It was about a girl giving up everything she had, family, friends just for the sake of her dream of becoming an actress. She set out on a journey bringing nothing but herself and a change of clothes. Not a penny on her as her father forbid her of her dream.

"Actress are sluts that sold their bodies just for the fame they have!"

Her father words stung and remained permanently attached onto her mind. She wouldn't believe it and argued with him saying that he has no right to blemished her dreams of becoming a successful actress and she would ride the ladder of success without using any means other than her own hard work and talent. The little girl maybe right but in the entertainment world that are not older than a five year old children, a world where success means ways of doing it differently than any others even if it means sacrificing their own beliefs.

She learns of the truth at the moment she stepped in to that world. She used mean ways just to get herself a role in the play. her first play.She succeeded and convinced herself later on that her doings are not against of what she believes in. She did not forget what she had told her father but little that she realized, it is the fall of her own naivety and the beginning of the tainted world she gotten herself into.

If she just had listened to her father, she wouldn't have ended up like that. A person who lost her soul and just like shell without the body. Empty. Her success fell after so many years, putting so many efforts in making sure the producer will give her a chance. They did...but with a price. A price so big that it's killing her every bit of pride, trust and beliefs. She wouldn't have understand that what her family told her about is true if she didn't set out on a journey of her own and yet still building castle in the air. She might have been a success actress if her conscience didn't kick in and she would still be trapped in the darkness of the world that she thought it's the best place to be with.

Until now, she did not regret her decision and yet she said "I'm glad I found out the reality of this world instead of just dreaming of the good things they offered but now I knew deep within, it was a hole so deep that one false step leads to nothing."

It was nothing more than a facade.

Fine~


Writing does make my stomach calling for emergency food but the time now is not suitable for the consumption of food because I think I will be sleeping soon. If I eat now, I don't think I will be able to sleep. Besides, I think my father is still outside watching TV.