This is the first time people say that I don't look like local. Well, nobody said I looked local but since everyone who knows me, knew I am a Malaysian, so its a given.
Today one of the lecturer told me that I looked like a China girl instead of a local. Then he asked me what dialect am I? Even though I am a Hakka, I told him I am a Cantonese (given that I only speak Cantonese and consider myself one). He was like, "Cantonese ah? You look more like from Beijing."
.....
*laughs*
I wonder which part of my face look like a China girl.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I am such an idiot!
I was supposed to send file to the lecturer I am working through email. And guess what?
I forgot to attach the file.
Wonderful x.x
Tomorrow I won't be working, then how am I supposed to resend it to her without her log in ID and password? Let's just hope that she will be there tomorrow when I stop by for a moment.
I was supposed to send file to the lecturer I am working through email. And guess what?
I forgot to attach the file.
Wonderful x.x
Tomorrow I won't be working, then how am I supposed to resend it to her without her log in ID and password? Let's just hope that she will be there tomorrow when I stop by for a moment.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I've been dragged to have dinner with my cousin( the one who always buy me clothes) along with my auntie and her family from my father side of my family, against my will. And without my mother! *wails* No one accompanies me.
It's no fun when mother is not around considering I don't really communicate well with them. Most of the time I just keep quiet and eat or play with the small boy and the baby girl. Seriously I got so many cousins that it is very confusing. ><
It's no fun when mother is not around considering I don't really communicate well with them. Most of the time I just keep quiet and eat or play with the small boy and the baby girl. Seriously I got so many cousins that it is very confusing. ><
I knew I should not be a sucker and cried like mad over an anime but I can't help it. After watching the movie and bawl like mad, I knew the series too will be as depressing. But when it happens, it is damn depressing. I was still hoping it will be a good ending (though highly unlikely) seeing how the opening song already hinted the possibilities of the sad ending.
This sucks.
This sucks.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I keep on hitting my head on the wall hard. This time I felt dizzy and there is a very sharp headache due to the impact. Usually this happens when I sleep on the lower part of the double decker and when I roll inside to rest.
Just sometimes I wonder why I am so stupid or to be precise blind? Such a big wall and I just had to bang on it. Like people say 'big eyes cannot see mountain' and I guess in my case is 'four eyes cannot see big wall'. My Marketing class changed from Tuesday to Friday. So I guess I am free on every Tuesday.
And I was enjoying my Friday, Saturday and Sunday holiday in a row. Drats!
My Business Law lecturer is lazy beyond words. It amazes me that she can be THAT lazy. Study in about 10 minutes and take a break for 30 minutes?! That's a first. Tutorial classes? Give the paper and she went 'poof' and never came back. Did Bermuda Triangle shift places and decided to land in my college instead?
My college too is taking our fees and buy some Chinese New Year stuff and don't plan to vomit them out again. There is always disturbance with the electricity and even got no water in the toilet. They decided its about time to save electricity and water? This reminds me all over again of high school with the stupid toilet got no water but thank God that our college is much cleaner compared to high school. It's a given though since we pay so many money on it.
Ah. I really got nothing to say. *laughs*
Can't seem to pour out craps out of my brain any longer.
Just sometimes I wonder why I am so stupid or to be precise blind? Such a big wall and I just had to bang on it. Like people say 'big eyes cannot see mountain' and I guess in my case is 'four eyes cannot see big wall'. My Marketing class changed from Tuesday to Friday. So I guess I am free on every Tuesday.
And I was enjoying my Friday, Saturday and Sunday holiday in a row. Drats!
My Business Law lecturer is lazy beyond words. It amazes me that she can be THAT lazy. Study in about 10 minutes and take a break for 30 minutes?! That's a first. Tutorial classes? Give the paper and she went 'poof' and never came back. Did Bermuda Triangle shift places and decided to land in my college instead?
My college too is taking our fees and buy some Chinese New Year stuff and don't plan to vomit them out again. There is always disturbance with the electricity and even got no water in the toilet. They decided its about time to save electricity and water? This reminds me all over again of high school with the stupid toilet got no water but thank God that our college is much cleaner compared to high school. It's a given though since we pay so many money on it.
Ah. I really got nothing to say. *laughs*
Can't seem to pour out craps out of my brain any longer.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Our group members for tutorial or probably assignment consists of 5 members of China citizens and 2 from I don't know where and the four of us with the exception of Chloe since she is in another tutorial.
The problem is...
I had to go bind back my notes because clumsy me always rip those pages off accidentally.
The problem is...
- I don't know how to speak and hear Mandarin
- They don't understand Cantonese
- I talk in English and reply in Mandarin
- Looks like we need translator all the time
- They ( I only know 2 of them actually) is very friendly.
- At least, despite the communication of duck speaking with chicken, we can talk.
I had to go bind back my notes because clumsy me always rip those pages off accidentally.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Degree life is interesting I supposed, not on subject based but on the feelings. It made me feel older, more accomplish of being called a pre-degree student instead of Foundation student. I liked the sound of that. *grins* It's silly I know but I will feel good about it first before I start complaining about it which I think I already did.
No more comfortable hall like Auditorium. More classrooms with moving tables which reminds me that I had bad experiences of dropping my things frequently whenever I am using those tables. I've improved. No more dropping things. Ah, such great accomplishment.
There are certain subjects I am looking forward to and some not. Fundamentals of Marketing for example is a very enjoyable class, lecturer is good with sense of humour, Thank God for that. More reading and probably memorizing but interesting nevertheless. Financial Accounting is like Accounting Practice from Foundation. We will be starting from scratch again. Don't know it's a good thing or not but in my case, I supposed it's good since I barely remember anything about Accounts. Business Economics have no need for explanations. The title says it all.
E-co-no-mics.
Business Law? Oh, I finally found something that is as boring as or even worst than Malaysian Studies and Moral Studies. I can already imagine myself sleeping countless of times in a day with the notes infront of me.
Good things is, there is no Friday class which is good.
Started working today but not with my person incharged. Why? He was away when we reach there so decided to stop by the next department that is popular with many works. Remembering the photostating non-stop work? That's the place. What did me and Hui Xian do today? 4 hours non stop of making tallies and browsing hundreds of papers with 26 lines of evaluation rating each to count. It's over!
*laughs evilly*
I found myself too laid back watching animes when people are busy doing something beneficial like studying. Did I mention 2nd season of Natsume Yuujinchou is out? I found out yesterday. Watched it. Something too look forward every week^^
No more comfortable hall like Auditorium. More classrooms with moving tables which reminds me that I had bad experiences of dropping my things frequently whenever I am using those tables. I've improved. No more dropping things. Ah, such great accomplishment.
There are certain subjects I am looking forward to and some not. Fundamentals of Marketing for example is a very enjoyable class, lecturer is good with sense of humour, Thank God for that. More reading and probably memorizing but interesting nevertheless. Financial Accounting is like Accounting Practice from Foundation. We will be starting from scratch again. Don't know it's a good thing or not but in my case, I supposed it's good since I barely remember anything about Accounts. Business Economics have no need for explanations. The title says it all.
E-co-no-mics.
Business Law? Oh, I finally found something that is as boring as or even worst than Malaysian Studies and Moral Studies. I can already imagine myself sleeping countless of times in a day with the notes infront of me.
Good things is, there is no Friday class which is good.
Started working today but not with my person incharged. Why? He was away when we reach there so decided to stop by the next department that is popular with many works. Remembering the photostating non-stop work? That's the place. What did me and Hui Xian do today? 4 hours non stop of making tallies and browsing hundreds of papers with 26 lines of evaluation rating each to count. It's over!
*laughs evilly*
I found myself too laid back watching animes when people are busy doing something beneficial like studying. Did I mention 2nd season of Natsume Yuujinchou is out? I found out yesterday. Watched it. Something too look forward every week^^
Saturday, January 3, 2009
CR Probs and Degree
I don't think I need to ask whether is it just me or is it everyone can't get into Crunchyroll because everybody seems to be able to except me, Kah Ann and from what I heard, Xiemin and Chloe too. Does that mean I have no problem?! Two weeks! I can't even get into the homepage, don't even bother to check what shows are updated there. Blame my connection I presume though some of the websites eventhough slow can still get in. CR is being an ass lately too by licensing every single show and some of them are only available in certain regions. I will just pretend that I had evacuate my account there as well as my friends I made there.
College is going to start on the 5th. I can't wait for it^^ because lately I ran out of things or more like show to watch. I have been watching Moonlight Resonance for the third time already because I really got no more show.I already watch Catch Me Now, Devil's Decisples, and Gem of Life (half way) in a span of a week or less than. No longer call me a computer addict but a TV addict but most likely I will revert back to my original title after college reopens.
My Foundation results are all out! The worst is of course Moral Studies but I am still very happy and glad I get myself a B. Well, every semester, there will always be a B, so I guess my record are extremely pretty and consistent *laughs*
I am officially going for my Degree~
I am going to learn something new and challenging and not sure whether I will like it.
Degree. Degree. Degree.
See you in Monday^^
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A New Year, A New Beginning!
Today is the beginning of a new year where more new things will come our way^^
So I present you yet another new layout.
I am joking really. The pictures in the old layout can no longer be seen but replaced with the photobucket picture. Since I have no idea how to fixed it, I will have to change it. But I love this new skin. I said earlier, I wanted something brown and I found it.
Changing the codes wasn't as easy as it used to be since there is a lot of things missing. I have to change the font type, font size and even font color because I don't like them. Went through alot of websites to choose suitable code colours. It worked out in the end. However, I wasn't able to bold the title of the sidebar and there is no division to seperate them. Two love signs at the side of the title shall do the trick then. There is no title. I tried to add them but it's not working. Argh. So if I happens to put any title, it will be at the top of the post, bold-ed.
Back to main topic.
So, what about this year 2009?
1. This is the first year I spend my New Year at a friend's house and this is also the first time I had any experience in BBQ. Took part in barbeque-ing the chicken wing and unfortunately Banana coincidentally ate the only raw part of the chicken. My bad. Might I add counting down too? I usually don't care about it. ><
2. This year however like any other previous years, I have no new year resolution. Why? Because I knew I won't be able to do it. Why spend time in thinking about things that I definitely won't able to do or more like lack of motivations to do so?
3. This year too, I want it to be enjoyable^^
Happy New Year everyone!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Another Blah.
I have changed from computer addict to TV addict. An accomplishment that should not be proud of. I have watch TV non-stop the whole day and night for few days already and I didn't even online more than an hour.
Mum is becoming worried I will get crazy if I don't get out of the house since I didn't go outsince the beginning of my third day holiday. Well, she is the pot calling the kettle black. It was only till yesterday I went to Tesco Extra and today Petaling Street for less than an hour. Too crowded! For a person that is directionally challenged, Petaling Street is not a good place to go because without my father leading and my mum behind me, I think I don't where I am heading to. Every single road looked the same to me.
Weather is extremely hot.
I still got last episode of Devil Desciple that I haven't watch.
I am bored.
Mum is becoming worried I will get crazy if I don't get out of the house since I didn't go outsince the beginning of my third day holiday. Well, she is the pot calling the kettle black. It was only till yesterday I went to Tesco Extra and today Petaling Street for less than an hour. Too crowded! For a person that is directionally challenged, Petaling Street is not a good place to go because without my father leading and my mum behind me, I think I don't where I am heading to. Every single road looked the same to me.
Weather is extremely hot.
I still got last episode of Devil Desciple that I haven't watch.
I am bored.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Blah.
I've received e-mail and SMS from Wireless KL saying that I registered for it. I was baffled. Since when in the world people know my e-mail and my hand phone number at the same time without me registering at the first place?! I don't remember knowing such a website to begin with! Weird. I only remember give my hand phone number in public is the bank and Pizza Hut (for survey purposes).
And...
My hand phone keep on losing contact numbers even though I have already saved it before. There are few I received anonymously but I think I know that number but I just don't know who. I must be either blind or the phone got something wrong.
And...
My hand phone keep on losing contact numbers even though I have already saved it before. There are few I received anonymously but I think I know that number but I just don't know who. I must be either blind or the phone got something wrong.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Ramblings.
Wee~
I finally finished decorating the mini Christmas tree thought I said I won't be doing it this year.^^
Holiday is going to end soon and next year I am officially studying Degree if everything is alright, somehow a part of me is excited of the new things I am going to learn minus Accounts which I dislike with a passion or anything to do with calculation, but there is another part of me is reluctant because I knew it won't be easy. Just thinking about Accounts already make me dizzy and feel like crying. It makes me want to go back to high school and indulge myself in the world of Science once again. I missed Biology and Chemistry and...maybe just a little bit of Physics.
This holiday I did nothing but to enjoy myself at home every single day, even though I promised I will start studying. I have been watching funny parts of Yoru moment in "Shugo Chara" again and again for so many times^^.
*enters la-la land*
Now also busy watching 'The Gem of Life'. No, more like watching snippets of it XD.
And I wonder, do I really sound like my mother on the phone? Because every single time I answer the house phone, they go "Hello, Pat ah?" (the very infamous dialogue) and I will answer "Please wait". Some were good enough to say Sorry but some will just "Oh". Worst still, before I can ask them to wait while I call my mother, they just started to talk about things that they are supposed to talk to my mother to me.
I wish you all an early "Merry Christmas" just in case I am not updating.
I finally finished decorating the mini Christmas tree thought I said I won't be doing it this year.^^
Holiday is going to end soon and next year I am officially studying Degree if everything is alright, somehow a part of me is excited of the new things I am going to learn minus Accounts which I dislike with a passion or anything to do with calculation, but there is another part of me is reluctant because I knew it won't be easy. Just thinking about Accounts already make me dizzy and feel like crying. It makes me want to go back to high school and indulge myself in the world of Science once again. I missed Biology and Chemistry and...maybe just a little bit of Physics.
This holiday I did nothing but to enjoy myself at home every single day, even though I promised I will start studying. I have been watching funny parts of Yoru moment in "Shugo Chara" again and again for so many times^^.
*enters la-la land*
Now also busy watching 'The Gem of Life'. No, more like watching snippets of it XD.
And I wonder, do I really sound like my mother on the phone? Because every single time I answer the house phone, they go "Hello, Pat ah?" (the very infamous dialogue) and I will answer "Please wait". Some were good enough to say Sorry but some will just "Oh". Worst still, before I can ask them to wait while I call my mother, they just started to talk about things that they are supposed to talk to my mother to me.
I wish you all an early "Merry Christmas" just in case I am not updating.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
New Teddy Layout
Tada~
A white layout for a white Christmas^^; not in M'sia though and any other countries that doesn't snow. What a waste.
After so many attempts of changing my layout, I finally did it. For many reasons, some of the layout codes seems to hate me really, everything went haywire. This layout is very plain except for the very cute header. I originally wanted something brown but the codes are amazingly confusing that my head and my eyes hurts by just looking at them. Not to mention that Nuffnang Code is not working and I have no idea why but thank God, everything is fixed^^
Lately, all thanks to Papaya's recommendation about Shugo Chara, I have been watching them until 4 in the morning everyday. Yesterday, I finally gotten caught by my mother around 4 something in the morning when she woke up and of course as usual, I get my deserving scolding. But it's worth it actually. The show is so cute, especially kitty Yoru. I turned into mush of goo whenever he appears and showing his mischievous behaviour and cute kitty voice. Nya~ The other characters is very cute as well^^
I am a real sucker when it comes to cute, adorable things. Especially it's related to animals like puppy, kitty and rabbit. (x.x)
A white layout for a white Christmas^^; not in M'sia though and any other countries that doesn't snow. What a waste.
After so many attempts of changing my layout, I finally did it. For many reasons, some of the layout codes seems to hate me really, everything went haywire. This layout is very plain except for the very cute header. I originally wanted something brown but the codes are amazingly confusing that my head and my eyes hurts by just looking at them. Not to mention that Nuffnang Code is not working and I have no idea why but thank God, everything is fixed^^
Lately, all thanks to Papaya's recommendation about Shugo Chara, I have been watching them until 4 in the morning everyday. Yesterday, I finally gotten caught by my mother around 4 something in the morning when she woke up and of course as usual, I get my deserving scolding. But it's worth it actually. The show is so cute, especially kitty Yoru. I turned into mush of goo whenever he appears and showing his mischievous behaviour and cute kitty voice. Nya~ The other characters is very cute as well^^
I am a real sucker when it comes to cute, adorable things. Especially it's related to animals like puppy, kitty and rabbit. (x.x)
Monday, December 15, 2008
I am so hardworking in writing blog.
You know, out of so many nicknames I have, this is the first time my 29 years old cousin asked my almost 2 years old niece to call me "Rabbit Jie Jie". Of course, she can only call me Jie Jie, thank God for that.
I asked my cousin sister, why call me Rabbit?
You know what she replied me?
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
Because I looked like one.
*sweat dropped*
I looked like a rabbit?!
You know, out of so many nicknames I have, this is the first time my 29 years old cousin asked my almost 2 years old niece to call me "Rabbit Jie Jie". Of course, she can only call me Jie Jie, thank God for that.
I asked my cousin sister, why call me Rabbit?
You know what she replied me?
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
**********
Because I looked like one.
*sweat dropped*
I looked like a rabbit?!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I watched Twilight today.
I found the staring scenes between Edward and Bella very amusing. Couldn't stop smiling all the time considering I can't laugh at how obvious Edward is staring at Bella. He could be more discreet you know, like staring at her from the corner of his eyes instead of just stare so obviously.
Then the "You are beautiful" part. The glittering is so weird and very fake.
And the best part is when they first introduced Carlisle! I saw the pictures that he is handsome but when he appears is even better. XD
Came back, ate dinner and slept almost immediately. Too tired. I haven't recharged my energy at all until two hours ago.
I found the staring scenes between Edward and Bella very amusing. Couldn't stop smiling all the time considering I can't laugh at how obvious Edward is staring at Bella. He could be more discreet you know, like staring at her from the corner of his eyes instead of just stare so obviously.
Then the "You are beautiful" part. The glittering is so weird and very fake.
And the best part is when they first introduced Carlisle! I saw the pictures that he is handsome but when he appears is even better. XD
Came back, ate dinner and slept almost immediately. Too tired. I haven't recharged my energy at all until two hours ago.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tomorrow having Moral Studies.
I haven't finish reading!
My brain is already stuck when its just afternoon. The words are so small and hard to understand and I can't wait for the exam to finish tomorrow.
Then I will be having Film and Arts Appreciation and Office Application on the 11th and 12th. Both also haven't read at all. I think I am going to have a tough day lying ahead of me.
I haven't finish reading!
My brain is already stuck when its just afternoon. The words are so small and hard to understand and I can't wait for the exam to finish tomorrow.
Then I will be having Film and Arts Appreciation and Office Application on the 11th and 12th. Both also haven't read at all. I think I am going to have a tough day lying ahead of me.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Yippee.
I feel great mainly for two reasons.
First, we finally finished our Film & Arts Assignment today and passed it up. The first group too considering we have exam next week. I practically rush everyone urgently. 89 pages including content, etc. That is like the thickest assignment we ever did.
I can actually start, yes, unfortunately start, not continue my study for final. Finally can get rid of my books away from those green mosses that are starting to grow on them, then you can imagine how long I never touch them. I want it over soon. I want to relax, do nothing, have fun without thinking about assignment or exam. I want to become a sleeping pig. A full time sleeping pig!
*grins*
Second, I finally have my hair cut which I dreaded since last few weeks. The weather is so "Cooling" - Mark the sarcasm there - that it is torturing. My head feel so heavy! Now it's much lighter and.....shorter. *roll eyes* Duh. Do you see people go for a hair cut and have their hair longer?
So its basically shorter than before. Not much but still shorter. Much lighter and I am way happier.
First, we finally finished our Film & Arts Assignment today and passed it up. The first group too considering we have exam next week. I practically rush everyone urgently. 89 pages including content, etc. That is like the thickest assignment we ever did.
I can actually start, yes, unfortunately start, not continue my study for final. Finally can get rid of my books away from those green mosses that are starting to grow on them, then you can imagine how long I never touch them. I want it over soon. I want to relax, do nothing, have fun without thinking about assignment or exam. I want to become a sleeping pig. A full time sleeping pig!
*grins*
Second, I finally have my hair cut which I dreaded since last few weeks. The weather is so "Cooling" - Mark the sarcasm there - that it is torturing. My head feel so heavy! Now it's much lighter and.....shorter. *roll eyes* Duh. Do you see people go for a hair cut and have their hair longer?
So its basically shorter than before. Not much but still shorter. Much lighter and I am way happier.
Monday, December 1, 2008
I hate....
...insomnia. Really.
Sleeping at 2 yesterday is already abnormal enough for normal people and yes I know I am not that normal when it comes to sleeping. Since I need to get up early to get something done today, I was hoping sleeping at 2 will make me able to wake up early. Mind you, I sleep at 3 usually.
But yesterday, sleep doesn't come easy to me. Wait. Sleep doesn't come at all until 5.30 and I had a seemingly ridiculous dream which I even alter it in the process and then I get a scolding from my mum because I told her the truth I slept at 5.30. Not like it's my fault to begin with. When they don't want to let you sleep, there's nothing you do about it.
But then I manage to wake up at 8.20. Went out for about one hour plus. Came back now, eyes tired, my black coffee is on the table and I have no intention to sleep back. I thought of lots of things yesterday night. Probably not important.
As usual, ideas were plaguing my head and I was busy making out dialogues for my newly continuous fan fiction which I really intend to update today but I decided not to. I realized I dug my own grave on 22nd of November when I actually posted it up. Too late to back out. After making out dialogues and plots (if there is any) inside my head, I am still very wide awake and I thought of so many things.
The first thing I thought of is two saddest memory inside my head. You remember people always say "Forgive and forget"? True is true, easy to say but very hard to do it. You can't possibly to just forget everything sad and happy things that happened to you. The first saddest memory was few years back. The sad feeling was slow and not immediate. It's like having a knife and slowly carve it in your heart. You didn't know what exactly you are hurting but it's there until its too late. It hurts, like feeling betrayed, confused, lost and I just wanted answers. The answers came though but I am hurt beyond compare. I forgive whatever that inflicted the pain on me but I can't forget. That's the very first emotional pain I had.
The second one is this year. Exactly when I don't remember. It was different from the first one. While the first one is slow, the second one is so fast that you have no idea what hits you. I clearly don't. It was like having a knife stab on your heart before you even know it. The effects are immediate, tears just starting slowing and by the time I realize, I haven't cried so hard and due to personal things for so long. It's usually watching a drama or an anime that makes me cry but that was different. I never cried so hard, and so long as the tears wouldn't stop. I am so silly of thinking "This is probably what they feel when they were being dumped by girlfriend or boyfriend". Not like I would ever know how it feels but it hurts, betrayed not so. The only thing I can do is cry and avoid my brother when he came in. But the second time feels better since I have a friend and my mother to talk with. I remembered the first one, I don't dare to talk to my mother and I only have God to talk to. Thank God for that.
Still, forgive yes. Forget no. It will always be a thorn inside my heart, once provoked, still hurts.
Then I remembered about how I meet the Food Gangs and that include Banana considering I am the main reason he is nicknamed Banana. We were most probably talking about bananas then, if not how to explain the sudden nickname?
College is a new thing and I never thought I will ever get a friend there and in the first day too. And I am not the one who start first, no surprise there but it's a big accomplishment. Dad still tease me "What other friends she got except those 4?" *the one I always go out with* then Mum "Still have three friends?" *college friends*. Having those words coming from my father, who too, part of anti-social is not good.
Much better now. I got Hui Xian and Kah Yan as friends too.
From a person who slept for only 3 hours, this has got to be the longest post ever and I don't even want to update but since my brother gave me something to, I have no choice but to on the computer. Since I already on it, why not use it?
Sleeping at 2 yesterday is already abnormal enough for normal people and yes I know I am not that normal when it comes to sleeping. Since I need to get up early to get something done today, I was hoping sleeping at 2 will make me able to wake up early. Mind you, I sleep at 3 usually.
But yesterday, sleep doesn't come easy to me. Wait. Sleep doesn't come at all until 5.30 and I had a seemingly ridiculous dream which I even alter it in the process and then I get a scolding from my mum because I told her the truth I slept at 5.30. Not like it's my fault to begin with. When they don't want to let you sleep, there's nothing you do about it.
But then I manage to wake up at 8.20. Went out for about one hour plus. Came back now, eyes tired, my black coffee is on the table and I have no intention to sleep back. I thought of lots of things yesterday night. Probably not important.
As usual, ideas were plaguing my head and I was busy making out dialogues for my newly continuous fan fiction which I really intend to update today but I decided not to. I realized I dug my own grave on 22nd of November when I actually posted it up. Too late to back out. After making out dialogues and plots (if there is any) inside my head, I am still very wide awake and I thought of so many things.
The first thing I thought of is two saddest memory inside my head. You remember people always say "Forgive and forget"? True is true, easy to say but very hard to do it. You can't possibly to just forget everything sad and happy things that happened to you. The first saddest memory was few years back. The sad feeling was slow and not immediate. It's like having a knife and slowly carve it in your heart. You didn't know what exactly you are hurting but it's there until its too late. It hurts, like feeling betrayed, confused, lost and I just wanted answers. The answers came though but I am hurt beyond compare. I forgive whatever that inflicted the pain on me but I can't forget. That's the very first emotional pain I had.
The second one is this year. Exactly when I don't remember. It was different from the first one. While the first one is slow, the second one is so fast that you have no idea what hits you. I clearly don't. It was like having a knife stab on your heart before you even know it. The effects are immediate, tears just starting slowing and by the time I realize, I haven't cried so hard and due to personal things for so long. It's usually watching a drama or an anime that makes me cry but that was different. I never cried so hard, and so long as the tears wouldn't stop. I am so silly of thinking "This is probably what they feel when they were being dumped by girlfriend or boyfriend". Not like I would ever know how it feels but it hurts, betrayed not so. The only thing I can do is cry and avoid my brother when he came in. But the second time feels better since I have a friend and my mother to talk with. I remembered the first one, I don't dare to talk to my mother and I only have God to talk to. Thank God for that.
Still, forgive yes. Forget no. It will always be a thorn inside my heart, once provoked, still hurts.
Then I remembered about how I meet the Food Gangs and that include Banana considering I am the main reason he is nicknamed Banana. We were most probably talking about bananas then, if not how to explain the sudden nickname?
College is a new thing and I never thought I will ever get a friend there and in the first day too. And I am not the one who start first, no surprise there but it's a big accomplishment. Dad still tease me "What other friends she got except those 4?" *the one I always go out with* then Mum "Still have three friends?" *college friends*. Having those words coming from my father, who too, part of anti-social is not good.
Much better now. I got Hui Xian and Kah Yan as friends too.
From a person who slept for only 3 hours, this has got to be the longest post ever and I don't even want to update but since my brother gave me something to, I have no choice but to on the computer. Since I already on it, why not use it?
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