I have been lectured that I do not go out and socialize. More accurately, to go get a drink and get to know people more. But getting to know people doesn't mean you have to be in a pub with alcohol in your hand. Why can't we know people in a more comfortable place with no dim lights, loud music and alcohol?

We can get to know people in a nice, quiet atmosphere with even mineral water. If alcohol is such a necessity, fine. A nice, quiet atmosphere with alcohol in hand. I might sound like an old soul but I am not comfortable with this kind of places. Never been there, no right to judge but I am just stating my personal opinion on what I feel.

I mean how are you suppose to know someone when you have to shout to get your words across?

The Bugs in Me

There it goes again.

I always tell myself and other people that I am an introvert. No kidding. I just didn't know that I am in the severe category of introvert. I always called this withdrawal from society syndrome as the "bugs" in me doing the talking.

The bugs known as:
1. The lazy bug
2. The "want-to-stay-at-home" bug
3. The FFK bug (the bug to decided to last minute tell people that I cant make it)


It's bad, real bad. I tend to find myself calling off the appointment the night before and even the day itself. That is probably why I don't make pre-planned outings because I know, I know I will try to cancel it off. There is probably just something wrong with me.

I really need to get rid of them.

Since she is not replying, can we just cancel it off?

....

That's the bug talking.

I'm Back

I'm back, I'm back.

More than a year it seems. But it's definitely good to be back.


So...what have I been doing for the past year? Since my previous post is about me being jobless, surely one year later, I wouldn't be jobless. My parents would have skin my alive.

How's working life? So far so good. But at times, it sucks so badly, I don't even know why I am still working at the same place. Lousy managers, temperamental colleagues, and there's a new colleague that brings nothing but trouble.

In the beginning of my work, I had quite a lot of issue. Namely betrayal issue. Not a suitable topic to discuss over after a long absence, and definitely not a safe place to be discussing it. Apparently even friends cannot be trusted.

Slowly, more work are given to me. I even had to stayed still 5 a.m in the morning. Well I suppose that is consider good since I have to stay overnight in the office and continue to work till the end of next day. I almost got into a car crash because I was falling asleep while driving. Thank God I am well and alive.

And so, it gets boring here. More and more and more work.

Endless.


...So, to get my social life and my entertainment life back, I have decided to do something I liked and used to do. Writing. Nothing to extensive like writing stories, but I'll begin with the baby steps first. Update my blog regularly as much as I can. Then, we will go about wracking my brain cells to come out with a proper story line.

Now now, I just wish everybody stop asking "You are still looking for a job?"

I know I haven't been working for 2 months and I am still waiting and looking for jobs. I must admit that its not that there is no companies are willing to hire me, its just that I am a little too picky.  What I am rushing right now is for my final results to come out so the HR can speed things up. I am so sick of rushing and being rushed at the same time.

So, hopefully with God's grace, I will be working soon enough! :D

Turbulence

The first week of internship had passed. Didn't enjoy it, not even one bit of it. I was in the same department before but the environment and the atmosphere is very much different. It was warmer back then. Now I felt neglected.

Either I am being paranoid and its really because I sat too far, or they are really acting coldly towards me. I don't remember making them mad because I didn't even see them for the past year. And yet Mr. H still pisses me off as ever, calling me "mangkuk" every now and then, say I never do my job properly because I missed certain details. Excuse me, people are allowed to make mistakes. And so am I. What pisses me off the most, he wont even write the recommendation for the ACCA scholarship letter for me.

I need to learn stop arguing with him. I tend to do that whenever he say I am wrong. And he have the power to evaluates me. I should really pray hard that he don't evaluate me badly.

Hopefully, the next entry will be of joy and happiness.

Tomorrow marks a new day. I will be undergoing my last intern. Meeting back the same colleagues. And hopefully, they don't expect much from me and treat me better? At least let me listen to mp3 without sabotaging my evaluation marks.

I know how it feels working in that environment. No music, no entertainment. You can say goodbye to your sanity. Of course, I shall refrain from doing that too much. Hopefully, supervisor, this time you can give me a better mark!

What do you have in mind when you heard of New Year?

Celebration? Party? Resolutions?

I am probably not one that should be discussing resolutions, knowing me it will never be fulfilled. And that is why I never made one in the first place. If I don't make it, I won't have the obligations to fulfil it. Why make them knowing that you won't do it in the first place?

When you have the mindset of "I will get it done later" even with daily chores, you can sod resolutions. But its a good change to have resolutions to change yourself.

1. Stop procrastinating

This should be a good enough resolution. Just that I didn't get through with it either. But now that I am going to step into the working world, there probably isn't much things for me to procrastinate about. Sad story but true. If only my work is going to be more challenging in a different way.

A new Handsome :D I want to have this. It got a really classy look with black and a hint of red. My favourite colour. But in order to get this, I will have to get a phone contract and my brother, scratch that, the whole family will have to sub line under me.

Problem: Can I have pay off those upcoming debts? Knowing that my brother and father don't pay their phone debts. And its not only that one hundred, its thousands.

*Drools* This baby is too handsome

A little sudden but Bleach 478, you are really a waste of time for me to read the few panels of Orihime crying for people she barely knew. She felt sorry for Riruka, sure I get it but I still think those tears are pointless.

Had a blessed Christmas :)

Being doing nothing much besides hanging out right in front of the TV, just to relax and enjoy my final holiday. Independent project was taxing to the point I slept at 4 to 6 am every day without fail and waking up early to continue. Glad it's over.

Thinking back to this year, it got to be one of the most turbulent year I ever had. Having feuds with uni mates. Worst thing ever. But at least I know which friends stays with me till the very end. There is no need for a bunch of friends when they don't reciprocate your sacrifices. My first friend in university is my very best one. The one that sticks with me during hard times. Am very grateful.

Holiday is going to end soon and right after my internship, I will step right into the working world as a full fledged adult. It's lonely to say that I won't be studying any more. I already missed the feeling of reading. doing homework, attending lecture class, and chatting with friends. It would be totally different when I am working.

To think I am going back to the same department and meeting the people that I don't really want to meet again is tough. I sure hope next year will be a better year.

Lovely day

Went to Pavillion today to get a cup of Ochado milk tea. Tea-ish as always.

Today, I saw Natsume Yuujinchou San DVD and Ouran High School Host Club. It will be in my wish list. I thought I would be able to get hold of them by working part time but parents forbid me from taking part time job because of transportation problems but I shall use this opportunity to be more productive than ever!

I am setting a higher target in my data collections today as usual but most of the times I am unable to achieve it. Over estimated of my own's abilities. A little disappointed on my own capabilities but a higher goal is nevertheless necessary to keep myself motivated. Maybe I should find some ways to reach those targets.

Waiting for my green tea pudding to harden so I can eat my dessert :D

;)

Just realized I won the writing challenge in 2nd place where in actual I am considered the last, considering out of 4 authors there is 3 tie in for second place.

Gave out the prizes for donation instead ;)

Must check email regularly and follow up with whatever you have posted.

:D

Today should be a productive day!

No longer can afford slacking off! Let's make today a great day :D

Show is not just a show

After a long hiatus for not updating my blog, I am up and about.

There is so many things going on in my life, basically just about my studies and people. But there are always things that are able to cheer my already down life. As usual, nothing beats a good anime, or a good book and a cup of hot mushroom soup.

Lately, not much of new anime that caught my attention, I wonder is it just they lack of quality or I am getting old (just reach legal age) or the requirements and the things that get me going in an anime changes. Seriously, as a female, I don't enjoy watching shows with 9/10 ratio of population consists of majority females. Not to mention, with body figure as slim as a stick and with not so realistic chest size.

Pardon me for being rude. That's how as a female myself view these anime. Sure they are mostly directed to guys in general but guys aren't the only ones that enjoy anime. I prefer those that talk mostly how people grow, relates to real life...that one are able to watch through it and thought 'Ahh, I ought to take this as an example.' For example, Hanasaku Iroha. Girls are the main characters there but what does this show teaches us? That sometimes we just have to make our own lives a better one to live in.

Fantasies, supernatural and even action, regardless of their genre, what is good is good.

You think Full Metal Alchemist is all about fighting? xxxHolic is just about supernatural? Wrong. They teaches us everything are off equivalent exchanges. You can't have this without exchanging for it of equivalent amount. Never take for granted.

Its all these shows that make people now a better people. Not just for the sake of entertaining. Watching shows can be a way of learning in becoming a better people, I believe. And give those who said anime is childish and those who said whoever watched them are not really living in reality a slap to face (literally, not action wise) that we learn more like this.

P/S: Did I mention that when I got no motivation, anime motivates me? :D

Escape.

My imaginations are running wild at full blast lately. Its either my brain decided to have entertainment by itself or I am really whacked in the brain. Must be the first one since I have been doing this for a long time, that I can't exactly remember when.

Although knowing they are purely imagination on my behalf and there is no way they are going to happen ever, I still wish they do. I wouldn't call exactly call it escaping from reality entirely, but there is half of it. But I realized I am grasping for reality as well.

Who am I without reality?

Reality makes me for who I am.

Hello :D

I know I didn't get to update my blog for a long long time. Since I have to update friend's list, I might as well write something here (although I went through a tough time trying to log in) and also contemplating whether I should use the blue template design or the orange one.

I like the font for the blue one.

Okay.

You see, I am sick of trying to please everyone but somehow I can't escape it. When mum keeps on saying something, a very good example, getting a hair cut, I couldn't help but want to please her. I wasn't really intending to trim so soon but I don't like disappointing her as if it will make her unhappy.

Apart from getting a haircut, there are a lot of things I wish I can stop pleasing everyone.

"Ah, I shouldn't do this. They wouldn't like it"

"I can't. What if mum gets scolded?"

"Is it affordable?"

...It's like every single thing I want to do for myself, I have to through many levels of deep thoughts and consideration before I can decide what I should do. And it always doesn't end up with me having the advantage. Even as simple as going out for movies, I have to ask to make sure dad is free, need to know whether mum needs me, or if I went out too long, what is going to happen to mum or is mum feeling lonely.

She probably won't but I guess I am being paranoid in a way.

Auntie and Mum complained once "Why need to ask permission? You want to go out then go out." Yea, though mum says that, don't think she meant it or is it paranoid me? But if I just go out without asking permission or seeing the expression on her face for indication whether I have approval, that would be bad right? What if she doesn't want me to go and I just go without asking?


I don't know what I want but probably sometime where I have no need to consider what other thinks before doing something. Spontaneous perhaps?


BRM is making my brain hazy. Cannot even fully comprehend what am I talking about.

P/S: Keeping secret within family is hard.

Crapsand more craps.

And so you think I am very free to update my blog, which is, yes, at this point of time.

I am currently rotting my ass off in library computer lab. Doing nothing but thinking what I should do. So its pretty unproductive if you ask me. Oh...maybe I should search for journals. Yea. Good idea.

Any good idea what to research on? Brain kinda dead after my Company Law test. Having doubts on my answers actually. So Facebook is alittle stupid or IE is alittle stupid, I don't know which but still, because I cannot off the window or both. So I need to open a new one. If my email or password get leaks out, I know where is the problem then.

I think its a habit of mine to type something when I am bored which reminds me I am in hiatus for so long without giving out notification and I am feeling guilty about it...a little. Brain dead remember? And lately, scractch that, a year and a half ago, I stopped reading fanfic, not because I got bored of it because there aren't any nice fanfic to read. Picky, and thats me! The plot is so typical its not even interesting anymore. My favourite fanfic writers seems to be MIA in the world of writing fanfic as well. Everytime I browse through, its some weird, tacky plot and x-rated (why can't people write something mild a little?) that I don't even bother to click and read at all. Why must it always be x-rated? What is wrong with just hug and kisses? Must it be over just to prove those two love each other so deeply that nothing can break them apart?

I prefer angst a little though, gave out a bittersweet feeling and not so out of character that it hurts to read someone you know but behave entirely as a different person. For example, you don't see Rukia go saying something like "Oh..I love you very much. I can't leave without you. I will be dead if you leave me." See the point? *shivers* The thought of it gave me goosebumps.

I think I will excel if questions were to ask me "Simply crap something". I exceeded word limit too I believe.

And do you know that its a taboo to take people's work and claim it as your own in the mass comm field, or whatever field it is? That fella got the guts to claim my work and my friend's work and said she did it. Gosh! That was so .... . I am speechless. No words to describe this kind of act. Its immoral.

Its only 11.32 a.m. now. One more hour to 12.30 p.m. Time, will you please hurry up? I ran out of things to say already. Okay okay. Search journals.

Heyyy.

Heyyy. Long time no see.

I've been asked to update, which explains why I am here. You know, I don't get the point of updating and having a blog if you don't give access to people to read which is almost the whole lot of my friend list there. I wish you all could have tell me you guys are not updating anymore, therefore, there is no need for me to invite you.

There is no reason what-so-ever. That annoys me a little.

Well not like I did a good job in maintaining my blog. I might abandon it, or move depending on my mood and the level of lifelessness of this blog. Its so dead even I found it uninteresting. I got things to say and write but I doubt that it matters.

Life is good. Results for past semester is finally out and I wasn't expecting any good results so I am pretty proud of whatever results I have since I did my very best on it. A new semesters starts. As usual, there are always something different in every new semester, be it the lecturer or the subject itself.

That's it for my life now. I need to concentrate on eating my oranges. Vitamin C intake oh yeah~

P/S: I missed out a lot on my anime! I got many animes and episodes to catch up with. It's devastating.

I don't like being compared.

The fact that I am scared of taking taxi alone is as if its a crime itself. I can't help to be paranoid with all those news going around on how dangerous about taking taxi alone. Why can't they just leave me alone with me not liking to take taxi? Just because my two successful cousins used to take taxi to school or work alone or they used to have part time jobs while they were studying, doesn't mean I have to be compared to them.

Well, sorry, my brain is not good enough to catch up with studies while working. If they used to do it, I believe that's the difference between me and them. Don't make it as if I need to do it as well. IF they commit suicide, do I have follow them? If they decided to not work anymore, should I do the same? Almost everything in my life that I did, its a comparison to other people.

"You see people's daughter keeps the house clean"

"You see your two cousin so good, earn a lot of money, and still can take care of the house."

Sometimes I wonder maybe I should just tell people my name is YMY, not my cousins or some other people's daughter. I don't really care if mum said that which I believe they always believes someone else child is better and I kind of got used to it but I don't enjoy being teased by some other people who just because their child is better than me.

It's not like I am that terrible. Its just that I don't like taking taxi alone. What is wrong with them? Not like if I don't take taxi once alone, I will die. "What about when you need to work? Or boss ask you to take taxi to deliver a very important document?"

When that situation arises where I really have no choice but to do it, I will. Why are we discussing the future now?

And "You work while you study, just like your two cousin sisters did."

Sorry genius sisters and auntie who got two super smart and capable daughter. I am not that well capable to catch up with you. Stop comparing. Thank you.

Endless.

When you meet someone, doesn't matter how often, when it clicks, it clicks.

3.5 hours of conversation. Another 0.5 in the car on the way home. Continuous. How scary. :D

I think I got tummy ache for laughing too much(not due to gas), jaw ache, back ache and a nose block. Bet the waiters were glad to have us gone. Too noisy. I too tired to talk about it.


P/S: The computer hang for one hour before I can use.